Saw Yi Run's post and went to do the same quiz with her.. and tata!

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Looked down on   You have a very high self image. You're the kind of person that loves being in the center of attention. You're very outgoing, and outspoken. You also always have to look you're best. Whether going out, or just hanging out with the girls if you're not looking great you're not happy. You're a natural born leader, and love when people look up to you. You're worst fear is that someone won't like you, or look up to you. If someone criticized or critiqued you to the point that people stopped wanting to hang around you, or began thinking less of you that would be your worst nightmare. You secretly really want to be liked, respected and appreciated by others. A good way to make sure that people have a positive view of you is to consider their thoughts and feelings also.
Losing Someone
Where Your life is Going
Being Alone
Commitment
Disappointment
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

And you know, it's very very accurate (of course, I'm honest with the answers, and the questions is very direct and straight to the point).

I hated being look down on, and I'm scared of losing someone. Sometimes, it's really ruin my day when people ignored me. (particularly, a colleague often do that to me. told my supervisor about it and she told me that that colleague is "one-of-a-kind" and it is better to not have this type of friend than having one). and I'm really scared of losing someone or lost contact with them (may it be family, friends, student) so to my friends and all~ you are important to my life!! and I always, please keep in touch with me!

The only good and obvious thing is I scored lowest for fearing death. (I think that's a little bullshit. the question ask: me avoiding blood related things.. I handle blood sample one =.=" and if getting near car accident ruins my mood... of course not.. I would curse and swear that driver and tell my friend about it). I think I'm already half dead anyway. No money, no life, no future. =.=" sad life sia.. and now getting more and more sad after typing this phrase "No money, no life, no future".. hai..

Don't type le.. bye..

Now is 15 feb 2009, 12.05am, which is also Valentines' Day minutes before.

I don't know if it's coincidence or planned but I but tuition and meeting with a friend (ahem.. a girl) for a singing session.

and my day starts with tuitioning.
One of the climax of the tuitioning is my cute student who is very thirsty. First, she drank water, then she made the bottle cap drink water, and made the syringe drink water (she use syringe to drink water), and made the tables drink water, and made her books drink water, and finally made me drink some water too. Been clearing up the mess more than the time used for teaching. Well, it's seems that the tuition is very watery. And taught her stuff for about 10-20 mins when the tuitioning is 2 hrs. The rest of the time goes to her playing water and also behaving like a robot while listening to what I taught (this is not included in the 10-20 mins though). So in the end, I'm not sure if she actually understand what I'm saying. So, you know, exams are coming soon and my stress level became higher each day. (T_T)

After that I went to hougang to meet HP. first we went to Suki sushi to buy some food for it to deliver to kbox. And sang quite a few songs to relax. and recorded 2 songs, which, well, are out of tune, pitching sometimes too loud, or sometimes cannot hear what I'm singing, sing wrong verse. Now trying to upload them. So,

to the people who chose to listen, please give some comments if you want, but no laughing thanks

After that went to play arcade, bowling, and the drums one.. well, it's not exactly fun but at least I can hit some stuff... kekeke..

Took bus home and there's an Indian lady with 2 kids who blocked the bus entrance. and she carried alot of stuff (i think there's 5-6 bags, big bags) which she put them on the floor. and there was no one to help her. So I helped her to carry them away. (keke.. ) and I have the intention of helping her to carry all the way back home. but the bus stop she drop does not have my bus. so too bad. I dun wanna take that bus again and change bus to reach home.

and finally reach home, took a bath, and start to chat with HP. and she sent me the 2 recordings. Now I am listening to them. and oh gosh, it's really quite unpleasant to the ear. But I think I will upload it to here. Or should I not? hmmm... If I upload them, it's a little bit 破坏形象... hmmm... (argh.. upload keeps failing..ack)

Times files and now it's the new year all over again!!

Resolution set for this year are:
1) saving of extra 10,000 for the year (almost impossible though)
2) start university
3) find some new jobs
4) look and hopefully be more professional/mature

This year really comes with a boom. Firstly, I got the news that my contract is going to end by December this year (2009). Also, I start to wonder if working life is really that easy. I want to be a really professional, well, as least look professional. So, I went shopping and bought clothes costing $100.. aww.. but it's still not enough. I only bought 2-3 shirts, 1 pants and they are consider quite cheapskate too. I'm still in severe lack of proper shoes, pants and bags.

Another bomb arrive from the workplace. My direct supervisior tells me to return to work in the micro lab after finally adapting to the work in research lab. It was when I finally had the chance to start my own experiment when I was told to come back. Quite disheartening. It was after months, months and months of waiting that I finally obtained a sense of achievement that I am able to do something big then they tell me to come back. Of course, that's bad news to me, or that's what I thought.

I was then told to learn everything that my colleague had learnt. Surprised and suspicious initially, but I shrugged it off as an opportunity that I am able to progress based on my own performance. And after that they even taught me stuff they didn't taught my colleague. Feeling uneasy, I taught that colleague what they have taught me to do also. (Am I stupid or naive, I don't know).

A supervisior called me and told me to go to help them. Therefore, I left the work to my colleage and went to help. but after informing my direct supervisior about this, I got scolded(=.=) for leaving the job I am supposed to do and give it to my colleague. my supervisor is right though. I am supposed to prioritized my work. And the bomb came, my that colleague resigned from her research work, and went further to work in a clinical lab.(somewhat promoted). and she never tell me. and let me teach her stuff when the "rule" is that training will be stopped for workers who tender resignation.

Deep down, I really felt that I'm cheated. Why did she not tell me that she got "promoted"? It's not as if it's something not to be told or some huge secret. In fact, it is a good thing isn't it. I soon doubt that if she acknowledge me as a friend. We have known each other for more than half a year. Maybe colleagues, no matter how close you are with them, it remains the fact that they are colleagues, not friend.

After being scolded by my direct supervisor, I was asked to go lunch together, 1 to 1. Well, for me, it's quite strange that I am looking forward to it. But since this is not the first time we are out together (strangely, it seems that I'm the one whom she go out 1 to 1 with often... hohoho.. But I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Maybe she went out with other people secretly too. Or maybe I got the facts wrong) but not exactly scared. During lunch, X told me about my flaws in personality. Like I'm too tactless, and too truthful, and maybe naive. Saying words without thinking. and X is actually correct in saying that, and I really appreciate X saying those stuff to me. And X teach me how to "behave" and work there, and taught me a few other basic stuffs. and this concludes the lunch.

So, in order to make up for the "wrong prioritization" I chiong throughout the day doing what I'm supposed to do. and got complimented, saying that I'm very fast in my work" by the DT and it was X who told me.. Well, that kind of good. But honestly, after understanding so many things, I being to understand the fact that one cannot take things on the surface. Maybe those words were said to bridge relationships well, or well, they hide the bad things about me too. Who knows.

One for fact is that actually X has the intention to promote me instead of my colleague. But because she works there before me, she cannot give it to me. and those X said so many of my flaws, she said I got good attitude and that what is important. (well, that's taking things from the surface again). and that once my contract is over she will "promote" me too if given the chance. but I'm told not to tell the other research colleagues. she said 人不为自， 天足地灭. Well, I supposed that's true. And if I tell, that's a betrayal of her trust of me too.

Apart from that work, for tuitioning hmm, everything seems to be okay but sometimes, it's really hard to teach students who do not want to learn. And sometimes, I wonder if it is me who is too boring, or my student is simply like that. Really don't like to teach that type of student, waste time and it's very stressing when the student cannot produce the results too. Well, it's either I expect too much of myself or the parents expect too much of me.

For part time job @ Bukit Timah is still very blur. My friend hasn't provide any information yet. haiizzz... I'm getting restless.. If this goes on, how can I save my $10,000!! I want money!!!! Shopping! Travelling! Eating! Throw money at peoples' face!


Conclusion : working life is really complicated.

Today is one of the most ups and downs day in this week.

Woke up today with severe stomache ache and after going to toilet twice, down with flu. It the feeling like an insect (eww) or rice stuck inside my nose, but no matter how i try to sneeze, it still stuck inside... >.< and thinking for like 15 minutes and decided to skip meeting with Edmond.

Smsed him that I'm sick and tell him I may not be able to come today; and received the reply : tell me when you are coming. well..zzzz... I didn't know how to phrase it better saying that I am not coming and ended up not replying him. and the lightning strucked. He called me, asking me why I had failed to meet up with him. Haiz..and after that I called him explaining and starting a mini debate lasting one hour 15 minutes, and it's my phone bills (only free outgoing 60 mintutesT_T) and our conversation ends when my phone battery ended.( I had just charged it overnight).

Then boredom came.. I don't feel like tidying up my room, as I'm scared that the stomach ache might come again. Then start to kia jiao my sister for things to do.. hehe.. ended up we ate some cup noodles togehter,prepared by my mother... keke.. Then boredom came again and we switched on the computer hoping to find some interesting movie to watch when we suddenly realised we bought few DVDs just yesterday..

So we start to fish for those DVDs and I saw "Super Mario" ... ... ... =.=" my ELDER sister had bought that!!!! and she is 2x+++ years old already.. well, and in the end we watched that together. My own wishful thinking that Super Mario movie might turned up as nice and exciting as the game itself turns out to be really some wishful thinking. The whole story is really lame and each episode ends within 15 minutes, and as the credits came, the scene of a man wearing mario clothes shaking his butt here and there came. and we decided that we will change another DVD instead. And we saw Saw 4.. Wow... and we start watching that. and it's really horrible and disgusting- to my sister's delight. and just as we thought we can waste 1-2 hours away, the scene suddenly stuck at one point and hangs there. no matter how to try to fast forward, rewind, stop and start at another chapter, it simply stucks after that ponit..Eyer!!! Spoilt mood one and finally my sister pangseh me, and went to take a very long afternoon nap, leaving me alone nothing to do...T_T

Out of desperation, I started to surf net, read some manga and played Audition for couple of hours. Got to know a Roman Catholic Guy called Kenneth and wow, I quite awed struck by him. He is very easy to get along with and at the same time follow traditions very well. He even wore Roman Catholic robes in his service (seen in pictures) and which I thought that to be a dress initially, so paiseh.. and we exchange blogs, msn and add each other as Audition friend. Hope maybe we can get to know more about each other. but being Bf is a big nono as he is younger than me. 1989 de.. maybe good friends or soul mate is the biggest thing I can look upon with. =)

And the phone rang soon after (4pm?), picked up the phone to hear my mom telling me to get ready to meet for dinner at 7pm. Mom~~ Although I'm a girl, I don't need 4 hours to prepare myself for a dinner >.< and the phone rang again at 6pm, telling me to prepare again. Well, since there's nothing to do, I start to kia jiao my sister again.. keke.. nagged at her for fun then start to scold her lazy pig.. wahahaha.. how evil of me sia.. and after few rounds of nagging and disturbing she woke up at 7pm (take one hour =.="" ). And the phone rang again, saying this time dinner is changed to 8pm. opps.

Soon we started our trip to Sakura(argh, I'm getting tired of eating that)and started our Sashimi attack and for me, Unagi attack. ahh~ I ate around 15? pieces of sashimi and 4 big pieces of Unagi... and I'm totally full after eating that. but tried to eat other things so that it will be hua suan. then drank a bowl of shark's fin soup (few or fake fins), half bowl of herbal chicken soup, 1 dory, 1 cheese hotdog, 2 Samosa, 2 wedge potatoes, 2 cup of soft drinks, rice, nuggets, dumplings, sushi, 2 scoops of ice cream, 1 piece of cake, 2 prawns and alot more more forgot le. Yup think that's all...Looking at the list seems quite alot but actually I think I did not eat the $28 worth of food. >.< haiz..my diet plan always fails miserable on sunday. Imagine a girl, on weekdays, who only eat 2 meals a day - a small ( grl fist size) plate of rice + 2 side dishes, managed to eat what she ate 1.5 days in a dinner itself.. Maybe I have mastered the skills of expendable stomach.. keke..

and reached home only to find my mother switching on the TV to watch incredible tales. Me and my sister immediately chiong to her room. My mum likes to increase the volume so we will hear the "Eeee" "ahhh" "oooo" "ahhh!!" in the living room. and after we hide in the room, my mother start screaming for us saying it's scary to watch.. =.=... waht irony.. hehe.. but we still dun wan to come out.. in the end my dad watched with her.. keke..

Then in the room my sister released her deadly, silent, mini bomb in the room which even I din't realized it until she told me to go back to my room quickly. and she shortly come to my room.. Suddenly realized I will need to work tomorrow again.

I don't want to work! but well, there's no choice..

It's now 10.59pm and the level of happiness drops as the time ticks.~

Godd night

Today went to a new singing karaoke place called : top-one at bugis. Don't feel like singing actually but main plan is to meet up with friends. Yi Run had asked me out to sing a few days ago and I feel that I turned her down too many time (cause most of the time is to go clubbing and it's a little too tiring for me) so in the end agree to meet up. Called Gladys and Ziyi along but Ziyi says he's not coming, and luckily Gladys agree. Well, the more the merrier isn't it? And Run had asked Hong Run Kenneth along. But in the end only hong turn up. Kenneth is actually sleeping.. =.="' and in the end meet up with run only around 6,30pm. and so the 4 of us meet up at Bugis MRT at 1pm.

I woke up at 8am =.=..so early.. And before waking up I had a dream of being in a very, very old movie theatre and talking to a ghost? during the dream. I had offered to clean up his hiding place, as it was full of dust and he said no need. and there's alot more but I forgot about it. It's not a scary dream though. and I returned back to sleep, hoping to continue that dream, but apparantly it did not continue. Woke up around 10am and start to get things ready. and parents bought Fried Kway Teow for my breakfast.hehe.. which is very nice in the beginning.

Set off to bugis mrt from my house at around 12pm and waited for that damn 292 bus for half an hour!! and heng it's air-conditioned or else I sure curse and swear for waiting so long for a 破破烂烂 bus. And in the end reached there around 1.15pm. Omg... but luckily everyone is late except Gladys. She looked quite pissed off for being punctual. Din really quite smile when i approach her. but managed to make her mini flame die by saying they are coming soon, or else i will incur her wrath le..hohoho.. Run and Hong arrived shortly after that and we head for Yoshinoya for lunch. but .. I had just eaten before going out of my house! Oh my, and in the end I did not eat with them. Trying not to see their food, I chat to them all the way and ended up did not kope any food from them, just few mouthful of drinks =)

Then we exit bugis junction, pass macdonald, crossed a big road and reached the place around 2pm. The receptionist said we can only sing until 6pm.. which is 4 hours.. and each person cost $22!

And I started singing first as usual, cause no one seemed to touch that. I sang Beautiful Love and Wu Di Dong, and sounds horrible. absolutely no feelings at all and the rest of the people are very very quiet. I ordered Ice Fruit Punch (tasteless) and start to spam photos using Yi Run's camera le.. and took pictures left right center .. and the biggest surprise came. I actually look quite chio there!@!!! ahh!! That's simply amazing to me. There's no double chin, fat cheeks, pimples, curly hairs seen at the picture! usually for other places, the photos of me look like that. and Yi Run went zzz and said where got people praise herself one. but well, I'm honest about it.. haha.. but in the end all my photos has one that one expression. I scared if I change the smile all those flaws came again.

Then I suddenly realised Gladys and Yi Run all sat beside me, and it's kinda squeezy. and changed to another spot. then hong started to chat with me about him starting to learn keyboard. and to be honest, i know nothing about keyboards. >.< I'm more of playing blindly and don't know any of the theory behind it. I'm shallow huh... but I don't want to pour cold water and tried to explain how I played the keyboard. Turns out that I used "fingering chords" and a little of piano style to play them. Well at least I learned a few things. And realized again Run and Gladys are very quiet.. haiz.. then it's quite embarrassing for me and hong to chat happily too.. then tried to sing for a few songs to end the conversation and it somewhat ended it. haiz.... >.< I dunno if I did the right thing or not actually.

and reality sets in. That place is totally cunning, it turns the air-con to at least 20 degree and send us all shivering and you know! those hot drinks actually costs $7 and they offered free flow ICE drinks. even me who is always feeling warm/hot is shivering. I went to tolet at least 4 times in 4 hours! Staying there will cause me bladder problems. grrr..

Soon, the bills came, each of us pay $22. and I brought $50 dollar, hong have around $19?? in cash with him. So I help him pay the remaining. I dunno how i appear to them, I actually don't mind paying for him, but the atmosphere is quiet again... I really need to improve my outwards action!! or else the people around me will surely misunderstand one. haiz.. and he told me to sms him my account number and I ended up got his number. hmm.. Wondering if it's a contact under to-be-deleted-after-a-few-years or those fate-let-our-friendship-blossom number.

And I took Mrt with Run to go back (green line) and Hong, Gladys taking red and purple line. but they are together wor! Dunno if they wil turn out to be okay as gladys is the shy shy type of people. Reached tampines around 6,30 and found out that my parents is still at Malaysia. Window shopped for around 2 hours and bought a book called "why procastine", which is something I need to truly reflect on myself.

When I reached home around 9pm, none of them reached home before me. So i happily start singing, switch on light "everywhere?" and head towards bathing. Since there's no one, I din lock the toilet door. and sing and bath until suddenly, mother: "I'm back!!" I quickly slam the door shut >.< luckily my father knows I din lock doors when I'm alone at home or when I'm scared. (usually shout to the whole family don't enter the master bedroom cause I din lock door before bathing when I'm scared XD) and the dinner of the day is----------------- Fried Kway Teow from MY. *sweats!!!* same as breakfast except one from sg and another from my arh..

Well, at least there's food..so i ate that and entered my room. and realized my room is messy again. I throw all my sister clothes into an empty box(cleared beforehand) and pack everything nicely. Removed some of my mother clothes hangers, tied with strings on my window. (she would usually hang wet clothes and throw them out of the window to sun-dry them. muz control the number of hangers or else my windows will nest all those hangers. spoilt my mood nia. and finally, my room is clean on the surface. Well, next time continue in depth again.

On the computer and start writing testimonals for the church, preparing service, and chat with some friends on the net. and start creating and writing this blog. and the time now is 1.26am.. write this for around 1hour.. awww. I'm tired... Guess I'll stop it today. But what a day it is~ that to record it down take a full hour man..

Good night, oyashuminasai~